i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
