we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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