can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
