why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
