God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
