whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
