her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
