Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
