people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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