Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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