What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
