Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
