At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
