Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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