my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
