That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
