and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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