i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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