we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
