Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
