We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
