This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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