I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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