...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
