brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
