But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
