a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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