So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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