My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
