anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
