i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
