come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love having hate sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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