Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
