About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
