I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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