I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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