she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
