Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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