Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
