So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
