I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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