She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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