His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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