why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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