carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
