Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
