We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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