i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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