You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
