it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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