peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
