i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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