Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
