Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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