Screwed.edu
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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